16:22 Jun 21 2008
Times Read: 627
not sure if I should send this letter to Monty or not - I am still damned upset by what went down in March and am just now really able to walk with little to no pain although I have to watch it and still can't overdo it.
What to do, what to do??? Any advice on this missive would be appreciated before I send it to him. I don't want to be too harsh - but want to get my point across.
Thanks -
Cheryl
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Hi there:
Thought you might like to know that I did attempt to contact sean and all I received was a rather disrespectful reply in which he retorted by blaming me for the rug I supposedly ruined. There was no mention of an apology to me or whether or not he plans to replace this mirror. Hence, I did forward to your phone some of the messages so you are aware of the tone of what was going on. True, I let him know straight off that no matter whether he replaces what he damaged or not, his despising me will not defeat me. No one's bad wishes or opinion will defeat me truth be told. That is not how I deal with life or its petty annoyances and I certainly have far more life experience and maturity to call upon in the face of such disdain and dislike.
Still, I want to make a couple of things very clear here:
1) When the rat bit me at their flat that first time I met them, I immediately said that I had bled on the carpet and asked for a band-aid plaster and something to wipe it off with. He then encouraged me to bleed on it more as it 'looked cool'. When you told me that he was angry with the mess - which he must have been drunk (again) to encourage - I then immediately offered to replace the rug and was informed that it was not necessary - the cleaner had worked. You have indicated that you "know" me relatively well which means you must be aware of my forthright character and I am sure you will agree that I would not intentionally try to destroy someone's property or if I had caused harm by accident, that I would attempt to replace it or make it good. I am a mainly kind and nice person willing to admit my errors and correct them.
2) I fail to see how the rug incident is even slightly relative to shattering a heavy mirror, which didn't belong to us personally but to the flat and furthermore, which caused some rather severe bodily harm to myself and from statements made by you and others some minor harm to the aggressor. I did not encourage him to shatter the mirror and in fact, was shocked at this willful display of destruction of which I am not used to witnessing.
Bottom line here - I attempted to contact the person who did this. I find him a disrespectful, angry, destructive individual who has not had benevolent feelings towards me since our first meeting. You, have told me yourself of many unkind things he has said about me. What right does someone who has never taken the time to know me, that hasn’t lived long enough to have many impressionable life experiences, and who further displays the obvious intellect of the vast mediocre youth with too many amusements and not enough responsibility have to dismiss me as a woman and disrespect me as human?
For you, whom I have held in high regard due to your calm intellect to fail to recognize when a friend is willfully destructive and then blame it on ‘alcoholic hijinx’ is very sad and imprudent. When friends of someone who becomes this injurious due to drink turn a blind eye to these types of actions they are either enabling the damage or worse, ignoring a friend’s self-defeating actions that will eventually cause injury to the wrong person. This has several outcomes – he will wind up with jail time or the worse case scenario is that he will commit a foolish drunken act that mortally injures either himself or someone else. Give me a break on this please! I have been punished for and then thoroughly educated about alcohol and its effects. Also, I have seen friends of my own (and my own 48 year old cousin Kirk many times) jailed or beaten for stupidity caused by too much drink and have had several friends die in alcohol related driving crashes over the last 30 years. Nevertheless, and most importantly in this particular case – the guy’s own girlfriend has been frightened enough to telephone the police about his behavior. How many more clues do people need to see the light here?
I want the mirror replaced. I don’t care who does it – I just want it done. If I have to wind up replacing it, I intend to discuss the entire matter with Hazel and Ken first. I am sick of seeing this blank wall (which is a constant reminder of the incident) and not having the situation resolved after all these months. I do not want to discuss this with them in detail but feel that since you are unwilling to mediate an appropriate resolution that I am fast running out of options.
I still can’t believe you fail to realize that the harassing phone texts I received were from him also. The police followed up on my complaint by telephoning me Thursday, which only verified my own certainty of the culprit. Please accept the fact that your friend has always disliked me, and, back when you loved me, us as a couple. He has continuously demonstrated complete disregard for my character, safety and peace of mind.
You can dismiss me as ‘over-reactive’ or whatever term you wish to use. That is your prerogative. I do admit that I have a penchant for the dramatic in certain situations. However, I never willfully blind myself to the truth. I am not afraid of it nor do I lie to myself. I have thought a great deal about this before sending it to you. I am not overly dramatic when I sit down to compose something, Mike. I do not write for melodramatic effect unless I am intentionally trying to create that type of atmosphere in a fictional work. In fact, if anything with all the academic reading and writing done lately, most of my prose has become almost clinically objective (ask Mackie or Jane and if you like you can read my nearly 8000 word chapter).
I am not going to continue to harp on this problem. I only want you to realize that I did attempt to contact him and am mortified at his complete lack of consideration not to mention that he still harbors animosity over a rug, which was cleaned, and the situation, for all intensive purposes related to me, remedied. Had he let me know that he really was very upset about it, I would have been more than apologetic and absolutely determined to replace, remedy or do whatever was necessary to fix the problem and regain goodwill.
If I am at fault here in this on-going ridiculousness, it is by trusting that others will have the same consideration, class and dignity that I strive to exhibit to those whom I choose to know and whom I have wronged in some fashion.
I do not expect a response from you to this. In fact, I would appreciate it if you would seriously think about what I have written here before you even think of talking to me about it. Please know that my thoughts here are not a reflection of you as a person. It is my view of your friend and your willingness to dismiss my feelings and the pain and hurt inflicted upon me through this person’s actions that give me pause for consideration. That is what I am attempting to convey to you here. It’s not the end of the world, and I am sure you have noticed, I am moving on with my life as I do. This is part of my character you haven’t witnessed yet. It takes a while for me to get past pain when I love someone and it’s ended, but I am always determined to remain friends with those with whom I part amicably.
If you truly do not respect me as a friend any longer, and wish to continue to excuse the behavior of and enable a destructive drunk, so be it. If this is the type of person that you would rather spend almost all your free evenings with I suspect there are few options regarding any true friendship between us in the future. In other words, you are demonstrating to me that by choosing to spend time to someone who caused such severe harm to me that you don’t give a damn about how I feel.
To continue to ignore the problem, in this sense, is only exacerbating it. I hope that we can come to some amicable outcome soon.
Forgiveness is one thing – dealing with lack of respect and consideration when I have done nothing to deserve it is something that I will not tolerate.
With Good Wishes –
Cheryl
COMMENTS
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MaraJade
16:46 Jun 21 2008
"I do not expect a response from you to this" Cheryl by writing all that you did, you are indeed looking for a response. My thoughts are, you appear to be more concerned about who he is friendly with, and the disrespect of hanging about with someone who has offended you than compensation for the mirror.
The carpet is obviously being used as an excuse not to pay up, and well overall... my feelings are, if things are done well make them done! I don't believe it is over in your head or his, yet.
JedixMasterxCheryl
17:01 Jun 21 2008
Thank you Mara for your insight. It is the reason why I posted this here first to get this type of objective feedback.
It is important for me to do this for the correct reasons - not the subconscious, passive/aggressive ones.
Angelus
17:09 Jun 21 2008
..the carpet is a justification, for his own inaction and bad manners. The letter is polite enough.. (a tad long, a few paragraphs could go) and you most certainly don't need to finish, 'with good wishes'.. though I do agree with Mara Jade, you do seem to want/need a response.
..me, I'd put it down to another of Life's experiences
or.. get the fellow back (I'm a Scorpio; and am content to wait years to achieve a suitable revenge!)